Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
