College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
