That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
