girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
