make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
