I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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