the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
