At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just had sex on a roof
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
