I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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