Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
