My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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