I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
