i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My balls are so social today.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
