don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
