tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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