okay pat passed out under dana's car
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
