I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I need to stop coming to work sober
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
