im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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