when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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