One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
