She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
