maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
