apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
