I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
