I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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