I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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