Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
