Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
