just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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