I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
nutella sex= disaster
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's shark week go big or go home
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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