last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
