There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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