her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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