I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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