Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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