I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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