get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
