She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
