so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
