So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
