Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
