neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
