you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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