Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
farters have to be the big spoon...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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