I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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