She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
