you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
birth control should be required to get into college
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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