I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
