so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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