he puts the penis in happiness.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
