you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
