OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
