I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
