every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
